Dealing With The Days

It's hard to keep your life together weeks before you graduate. Teachers are harassing you for last minute assignments and your mother is constantly asking if you've gotten your prom dress altered yet. People ask on a daily basis what your plans are for the rest of your life and all you can manage to do is shrug and give a few vague sentences that somehow earn a sympathetic smile and pat on the back. Friendships slowly fade and people you once shared your deepest secrets with become the people you pass by in the hallways without a simple glance.

People are constantly telling you to start acting like an adult but they also tell you to cherish the last few months of being a child. Parents either care too much are not at all, sister's put thoughts of missing out on marriage and children in your brain while others basically beg you to never even think about starting a family. 

You're trying to figure out what's going to happen in the next couple years but you're also freaking out about the next couple days and how on earth you can fit all you have to do in such a short amount of time. 

High school stops being fun and starts being your worst nightmare. You start to lose sleep and stay up late trying to force yourself to rest but all you can think of is everything and nothing all at once.
Sometimes you can't handle it, sometimes it's too much and you have to cry into your mom's shoulder because you're too scared to deal with the world around you. It's okay, it's okay to be afraid and it's okay to not know what's going to happen. No one knows whats going to happen in the future, everyone is afraid.You can breakdown sometimes but you have to be able to pick yourself back up afterwards, wash away your tears and realize this is temporary. The stress, the sadness of leaving, it's all just temporary. No pain will last forever. This is just the end of a really good book, but don't worry because you'll find an even better book. And if you can't find a new book then you can write your own and you can be the one to chose if it will have a happy or sad ending.  

A letter to my bestfriend

Dear Friend.

Sometimes I forget how much you mean to me. I get so used to having someone by my side constantly and the idea of not having you has never really occurred to me. I always just assume you'll be there for me when I need you. Your name pops up on my phone screen every morning, it's almost like a routine now. I've started to take the things you say and do for granted and I'm sorry for that.
I can't imagine ever saying goodbye to you. Not the simple goodbyes we exchange when you drop me off, or the casual "see ya" I send with you in the hallways. I mean the kind of goodbye where we become more like strangers than best friends. What's going to happen when I don't have you to call at 3am? Who am I going to laugh with until my stomach hurts? Who's going to be the person I want to share every minute of my life with? That's the thing. There is no one else I'd rather spend my days with than you. But now, we don't have a choice. You have to go your way and i have to go yours.
We'll probably stay in touch for the first bit, calling each other multiple times a day. But then we'll both get busy, we'll find other people, create new inside jokes and our lives with get hectic. We'll maybe send each other a quick text every few days. Those days will turn to weeks and then those weeks will turn into months.
This is the part that makes me the saddest. The inevitable truth that we won't always have each other. Something will pull us apart, whether it be time, distance, love....We'll be pulled apart eventually and we'll look back on when we were younger and remember the strongest friendship that has ever been.

Sincerely,
Your Dearest Friend.

A Little Boy and His Problem

Once upon a time there was little boy who always wore a pair of bright blue gumboots. He had dirty blond hair that always got in the way of his bright green eyes and calloused hands from all the digging he did in his sandbox. This little boy lived on the corner of Kit road and Little Berry Lane in a square house with a pointed roof. To the little boy the tip of his house seemed to almost touch the clouds. He believed his house must be the biggest house on their block. He'd sit in his front yard and worry about birds or planes bumping into his house and possibly making a hole in his attic. He sat in the damp green grass and tapped his chin while he thought of a solution to his high house predicament.
Balloons? He could tie four balloons to each corner of his house and that would surely catch the attention of  a bird or pilot which would allow them to fly around his lovely square house.
This plan was perfect except that the little boy didn't know how to tie a knot, so the balloons would end up being carried away by the wind.
The little boy kicked a pebble across the sidewalk as he strolled around the house, looking for other possible solutions. He could always get a very tall ladder from his father's tool shed and draw a bright warning sign on the sides of his house. This plan would be swell but as the little boy went to look for his crayons he remembered his mother always gets mad at him when he draws on the walls.
The little boy decided to skip this idea as he walked past his box of crayons and into his little sister's room where she was sleeping. He watched as his baby sister peacefully slept in a bundle of blankets. This was one of the only times where his sister wasn't crying. Usually she'd be howling and screaming about not getting her way or not having enough cheerios to keep her happy. The little boy was surprised thy didn't get complaints from the neighbors about all the racket that arose form his little square house.
The little boy's eyes widened as another brilliant idea climbed into his brain. If he sat his little sister on top of the house then she would surely start to cry and her loud crying would definitely scare away all birds or planes from coming anywhere near the top of his lovely house.
He decided this plan was undeniably the best one he's has so far. So he reached his little arms into his sister's cradle and pulled her out, carefully trying not to disturb her deep sleep. The little boy began to carry his little sister out of her room when their mother walked in and stared at the little boy with wide eyes.
She pointed to the cradle with her index finger and frowned at the guilty little boy. The little boy sighed and put his sleeping sister back into her cradle and followed his mother as she marched out of the room.
After having a finger wagged in front of his face for a few minutes and a stern look from his father the little boy went back outside to sit in the grass.
He stared up at his enormous house and gave a dramatic sigh. His house cast a shadow over the small little boy, His gumboots clunked together as he thought about what else could be done. Nothing.
As the days turned into months and the months turned into years the little boy's big problem started to shrink. As the little boy grew his house seemed to shrink. It shrunk and it shrunk and it shrunk until it was the same height as all the other houses on the block. The little boy's problem was never solved until he grew older and he realized the big problem wasn't that big after all.

Happiness

"If you aren't unhappy sometimes, you don't know how to be happy."
- A Wrinkle in Time

Sometimes when I'm going through my life and it seems to be going by quite smoothly I start to worry because so many times before I've hit a bump in the road. Sometimes this bump is only little and it just rattles me a bit. Other times It pops my tire and I find myself in a complete mess, stopped on the side of the road because I can't seem to figure out how to put a new tire on.
But eventually this fear of something goes away and I continue being happy. But as soon as I let myself be truly happy someone or something steps in the way and I end up crashing. I'm left with my car broken in a million pieces and I have to drag myself down this road that never seems to end.
Have you ever been driving down the highway and the rain hits your car so hard and fast that you can hardly hear your own thoughts? And then that one song starts to play on the radio that finally breaks the patched together feelings you've been trying so hard to keep together. Unhappiness is like that everytime. It's not even what made you sad or how miserable you are. It's more so just knowing you're life was so good before and then in the blink of an eye someone took that happiness from you.
I know it gets better, I've heard those words more than  thousand times. It will get better, it always does. Being upset, hurt and sad just makes being happy, excited and grateful an even more powerful and fulfilling feeling.

Dear Classmates

Respect is not just given. It's gained. Unfortunately a lot of people in this high school expect respect to just be served to them on a silver platter while they treat everyone else around them like dirt. These are the people who won't go any further than the Campbell River welcome sign. The few that are able to escape this little town will be smacked in the face by the harsh reality of the adult World. You don't get respect unless you give it.

The petty little things you snicker and laugh about won't even exist in your mind because you're too busy cleaning up the mess you've made. You won't have your friends to back you up, they won't all be there on the weekend not able to suppress the pressure that surrounds them.

You'll probably look back on high school as the best days of your life. That's quite sad because if feeling important in high school was all you had then what was the rest of your life really worth? Hopefully you'll look back on your high school and remember all the shitty things you said and did. Maybe you'll regret hurting all of those people who never did a single thing to you. Maybe you'll realize every immature action you ever made was just you trying to make yourself feel like you're worth more.

What I don't understand is why you would put so much effort into building your little kingdom in high school when it's just going to crash down in 4 years. After that you'll be too tired to build another one. You'll still think you're the shit but your army isn't there to defend your kingdom. The only person living in your castle is yourself. 

So go ahead. Continue pushing others down. Have fun trying to feel some sort of self worth by being cruel to others. Keep on sucking up to the teachers who worship you and have a fantastic time in the real world where your actions won't go by without some type of consequences. 

Kraft Dinner

I sit in class in front of you everyday.
And you couldn't think of anything more clever to say.
While I sat there and slayed your life away.
So my hair looks like pasta?
Who cares, I run fasta.
Kraft dinner?
I'm a winner.
You think I need to get thinner?
Nah I'm good I'm a sinner.

Alley and Cassidy's Iconic Rap Battle

It all started one night when my closest friend Cassidy scott started sending me voice messages of her dropping some sick rhymes. So naturally I replied with some even sicker rhymes From there our rapping careers flourished and now we're currently in an iconic rap battle over social media.
The tweets below are original raps created by Cassidy and myself.

"@Cassidy I'm ready for this. Ima stay up all night. Who cares about bio. I'ma will the damn fight."
-Alley

"@Alley You may not care but I'm fresher than the Prince of Bel Air. Get this girl some childcare and the Lord's prayer."
-Cassidy

"@Cassidy Oh you're pulling this card. Well I'll meet you in the churchyard. Ima catch you off gaurd while you're eating swiss chard."
-Alley

"@Alley Always fast asleep, you've been on a bad streak. Your V reek, check your bed I think you may have leaked."
-Cassidy

"@Cassidy Round two, you're eating fondue, wearing lulus never even knew my rapping is sicker than views."
-Alley

"@Cassidy Blonde brain thinks rains insane. Your only priority is tryin to gain authority but in reality you're just a minority."
-Alley

"@Alley Yoooo, you're a little late, looks like you gained some weight, when's your due date?"
-Cassidy

"@Cassidy You know I'm insecure, but your still singular at least I got a bae, while you're making out with chicken fillet."
-Alley

"@Alley Don't drag in Drake, you're giving me a headache so grab the hand break cause you're just a fake."
-Cassidy

"@Cassidy Emergency break? Like the one you forgot? You got a flat ass so you might wanna squat."
-Alley

"@Cassidy You liked your own tweet, thats sadder than living on the streets. Once I'm done with you you'll want to delete...yo lyfe."
-Alley

"@Alley Get a 'lyfe' you wanna be a midwife. This is a gun fight and you only brought a knife."
-Cassidy

"@Cassidy Hunny you wanna be a lawyer, may as well wait in the foyer, I feel bad for your employer. Step back Cassidy cause I'm a destroyer."
-Alley

"@Alley Now I've been addressed, you acting like northwest. Go get a test cause my beats make you go into cardiac arrest."
-Cassidy

"@cassidy This is pathetic, I can't be apologetic. The mess you call your life isn't my aesthetic. My words are so sweet they'll make you diabetic."

I Don't Do It For Me

I'm never sure if you're sincere.
Are the words you speak genuine?
Your words are loud.
Your actions quiet.
I cannot tell the truth because the truth is something you tend to keep.
More than once you've come home to me and kept the day a secret.
One little disagreement and all of hell breaks loose.
Your face begins to boil red and fire escapes your eyes.
I keep my mouth shut because every word feeds your flame.
I watch you like a ticking bomb.
At any moment you could explode.
I'd still be there to pick up your pieces.
I'd still be there for you to unfold.
I don't do it for you.
I don't do it for me.
I do it for the tiny feet that run across the floor every time you slam a door.

Piano Boy

His fingers dance along the white and black keys effortlessly as his eyes scan the paper in front of him. The pencil markings scribbled on to the page make no sense to me but they're specific notes that mean something to him. He put them all together and created something no one has ever heard before. His hair falls into his eyes as he quickly pushes the loose strands away and continues to scrunch his eyebrows together in concentration. When he plays he's not in the room anymore, he's somewhere else. At first I had no idea where this place was, but now he takes me there too.
His talent shines throughout the dark hallways of his school, his light intimidates even the brightest. But when you shine as bright as he does it's hard to not catch fire sometimes. His modesty and kindness vanishes and you're left only with a boy who can simply play the piano well. I'm standing next to a lit match, holding a bucket of water. Every time the flame wavers I'm tempted to douse it with the water but I can't seem to ever bring myself to do it. Because after all, he's my piano boy. He's not perfect, nor is anyone else in this world. I'm not even sure if he's perfect for me. But perfection doesn't define a person. Being better, stronger, taller or smarter than someone does not raise or lower the value of their self worth. But for some reason sometimes my piano boy believes this. He hides it but the flaws he carries seem to weigh him down until he's dragging them around with him. People see him as the bad guy but there's no bad in him. Only insecurities that are hidden by this wall of ornate feelings and unsure confidence. He knows he'll succeed. He knows he excels at everything he tries. He knows he's special. But he's still just as scared as the rest of us.

The Life of a Panago Worker

As a current employee of the very successful chain restaurant of Panago Pizza I am here to explain my riveting job and the mind blowing experiences of a Panago employee. I start my shift off by chatting with other co workers in hopes that they will distract me from the clock that always seems to freeze as soon as I enter my work place. Leading up to the days I work I feel this blanket of impending doom settle over me and it does not leave me until that blissful, freeing moment on Saturday night when I leave Panago and happily do not look back until the following Thursday. At work I usually tend to stare off into an oblivion and contemplate quitting the job that supports my obsession of iced coffees and unnecessary beauty products. There are days when I want to curl up in the back next to the box of sauces and gluten free crusts and release the emotions I have towards this god awful job. Usually there's an hour rush of nonstop pizzas, whining costumers and an endless need for more jalapeno ranch dip. But then, after the storm settles I spend the rest of my shift wondering around the store attempting to look busy and occasionally peeking at my phone to see if the world outside has come to an abrupt end or if my friends have passed out from a Starbucks coma yet.
Folding boxes, slapping dough, and dusting random objects entertains me for at the most 8.5 hours. Eventually my night comes to an end. During the last ten minutes a sort of unattainable happiness engulfs me and I happily fill out my time card and take off the black, flour covers baseball hat that contains my greasy slicked back hair that will resemble a bird's nest for the rest of my night. I say my goodbyes and am released back into the world. Finally, I am free again. But then I do it all over again the next day...

Dumped ass, broken heart.

* Based on true events that happened earlier this morning.*

It was a gloomy morning when I entered the hallways of my high school. I had gotten there a little earlier than I normally would so the halls were even more empty than they usually are on a Monday morning. The rubber sole of my sneakers screeched against the floor as I made my way quickly down to my locker. I approached the locker and noticed a couple grade nines lingering across the narrow hallway. I paid little attention to them as I loaded my arms with the numerous books needed for Bio twelve. Their words were just a mesh of mumbles until one word brought my own thoughts to a halt. "Love." Grade nines shouldn't be using a word like love when the only real concern in their life is what inspirational lyric/quote they should use for a caption on their Facebook profile picture. I decided to linger in front of my locker just to see what they might be talking about.
"I don't have time for you anymore." The girl in lime green converses admitted.
The boy who looked about nine was leaning on the locker next to her with his head dipped into a sulky slouch.
"You don't have to feel guilty about not spending time with me. I know we can figure this out if we try." He quietly said, not daring to look her in the eye.
"I'm sorry I just can't. It's not what you think. I just can't balance everything I have going on right now."
Balance everything she has going on right now? Like what? Do you need to manage the the time between feeding your webkinz and watching the final season of Hanna Montana?
The young boy stared down at his black skater shoes and let out a sigh.
"Well, what now?" He asked.
"Well, know I need to get to class. I hope we can still be friends." Said the young girl, turning on her heels and walking away. Making sure her non existing ass swayed in the process.
I looked towards the boy who was still slouched over in his dark DC hoodie. I gave him a reassuring smile and made my own way to class.
This is why relationships in grade nine are silly.

The story of them Part 1: The Meeting

It was the summer of 1952 in Johannesburg, South Africa when Gloria first saw Colin. Gloria had just moved to a new suburb with her mother, aunt and grandma. She was a reserved seventeen year old and didn't have many close friends. She'd prefer to just stay at home with her mother rather then spending time with her peers. In order to help her mother support their family Gloria dropped out of school at the age of fifteen to start working. This was hard for her because she had a passionate love for learning but without a father and 4 mouths to feed she had to do what was best for her family. They were quite a religious family and regularly attended church. On the first Sunday they had in their new home they set out to find a church that would hopefully welcome them with open arms. Gloria sat between her mother and aunt while nervously fidgeting with the lace gloves she held in her hands. The pastor was going off about some bible verse that went right over Gloria's head because the only thing she could think of was how unbearably hot it was. She could feel the beads of sweat forming on her brow. She quickly wiped it away and tried to place her focus back on the sermon.
Afterwards her mother wanted to chat with the other women and introduce herself to the pastor but Gloria couldn't stand to be in that boiling building for another minute. She politely excused herself from the conversation that was being had and wandered out into the courtyard.
Although the temperature outside was not much different than inside the faint touch of a cool breeze did relieve her of the dampness beginning to collect on her forehead.
A group of teenagers that looked about her age were all huddled together chatting excitedly about something. One of the young girls with blond loose ringlets caught Gloria's eye and waved her over.
"You're family's new here, right? " She asked. Gloria nodded and smiled as the beautiful girl introduced herself as Doris and started to chat about how nice the church was and how her family has been going for years.
"You should come over to my house tomorrow night! We always have these little parties once a week, it'd be a great way for you to meet more people!"
Gloria smiled "Maybe, I'll have to see what my mother thinks."
"Colin!" The blond beauty shouted, quickly pushing past Gloria.
Gloria turned around to find a young man peddling towards them on a bicycle. The first thing Gloria noticed about this boy was his incredibly short pair of shorts. She smirked as he hopped of the bike.
"Doris! Where's the party at tomorrow?" He asked as Doris wrapped her arms around his torso and leaned in for a kiss.
"It's a my house! Mother's planing to bake up a storm tonight!" she gushed giving Colin one last peck before introducing him to me.
"Colin, this is Gloria. She just moved here and I've decided we're going to be the best of friends!"
Gloria gave Doris a warm smile "Nice to meet you, Colin." She said offering her hand.
He took it gently, "Likewise." He smiled back giving her hand a quick squeeze.

Time

When I was younger, time went by so slowly. Waiting for Christmas seemed like an eternity and nothing ever seemed to come quickly. However, now the only time that feels slow is the ten minutes left before I get off work. I find the older I get the faster my life starts to go. It feels like it was five minutes ago that I was ten and playing with barbies. Now I'm four months away from graduating and dealing with university applications. Even my school days seem to fly by without warning. I hardly ever catch myself staring at the countdown like I did so many times before. Part of me is beyond excited to graduate and enter the "adult world" but that's just a very small part.
The majority of me just want's everything to slow down. The idea of having to deal with budgeting, bills and grocery shopping freaks me out. I'm not too sure what T4's are, job interviews scare me and I can't decide whether to buy skim milk or 1%. Basically, I might die in the adult world.
I've never given much thought to my life after high school because I've always been scared of what will come next. But now that I have a very faint idea of what I'd like to do I'm realizing there is so many things I need to get done and I'm scared I won't have enough time. Right now I don't even have time to watch Netflix, and that use to be a very big part of my life.
It's great to be busy, I really love having things to do or people to hangout with constantly but I also really like to be by myself with only my thoughts...Or my cat. These days I never get to hangout with my cat.
The fact that my life is starting to speed up terrifies me. I want to slam my foot on the break so badly but somehow is just keeps getting faster and faster.